Fashion

I did not inherit a beautiful face. My ancestors were not known for their beauty. They were from working stock, utilitarian. I accepted early on that you can't easily control these things and you make the best of them. I don't think I'm ugly, but I capture only a mediocre cuteness on a good day. Small eyes and a wide set nose will do that for you. Even though I may not fall into the category of beautiful, I don't care.

My best friend Agnes is one of the most beautiful people I know, both physically and metaphorically. She naturally has a classic beauty that is timeless. A few years ago she and I were traipsing around Sorrento, Italy when a group of young men stopped mid-stride and belted, "Bella Donna!" at Agnes. She has the power to make men stereotypes.

I think that the dynamic of our friendship works in part because she has an effortless grace and beauty about her. My mother never taught me how to do hair and makeup so it's been trial and error, leaving me in a constant state of awkward adolescence even into my mid-twenties. Luckily, Agnes is there to help me enhance my natural mediocre cuteness. So while Agnes embodies beauty and light, I balance her out with my wit and sarcasm.

Since my face is what it is, I spend a lot of effort on clothes. Thanks to Agnes, I became heavily interested in fashion during high school and realized I had an eye for it. Through her I became more aware of quality of seams, fabric and cut. I can also put together an outfit like a beast. I'm not snooty about fashion, at least I try not to be. I think everyone should have the chance to look and feel their best. I also think that one's fashion choices say a lot about how one feels about themselves. Most importantly, I think fashion is a great medium to help one to express who they are.

Most men need a bit of guidance in fashion. I've dated quite a few guys who needed a little help, but more importantly I realized that you can't change a guy through clothes. Their fashion at the time you found them is pretty much an embodiment of who the guy is.

I once dated a guy whose father owned a men's clothing store. The guy had worked in the store from the time he could walk, so he often boasted of his knowledge of clothing. I was impressed until he started making huge fashion faux pas such as wearing a slacks and a tie without a belt (the slacks had loopholes for a belt), wearing black shoes with a brown belt, wearing horribly clashing colors (black dress shirt and brown pants) and wearing pleated pants which came up to his mid belly. I tried to be gentle with him, giving him a little guidance here and there but he'd snap, "I KNOW about mens fashion. I worked in a men's clothing store since I was in diapers!" He got really mad when I brought up the lack-of-belt issue. What really got me about this, however, was that a few months later he casually mentions that his dad ordered some belts for him because if you wear slacks with belt loops, you need to wear a belt. He said this to me AS IF I HAD NEVER MENTIONED THIS TO HIM BEFORE! Needless to say, the fashion issues we had truthfully encompass the entire relationship. He treated me like I didn't know what I was talking about, yet when anyone else would suggest something I already suggested, he'd followed their advice.

I also learned that if I'm dating a guy who spends more time in the dressing room trying on clothes than I do, it's not going to work out. It means he's indecisive and finicky, traits that I do not like about myself. It's like one recovering addict (me) hanging out with someone who's still an addict (him). It took everything I had not to punch him in the face when he'd come out of the dressing room to ask me if the pants he tried on made his butt look weird.

So now I know that only impeccably dressed men need inquire. Let me rephrase: effortlessly impeccably dressed men with a sense of humor about themself. A true rare specimen.