Death and Dying

I had a pretty self-imposed morbid childhood. I loved reading books about the holocaust, burial practices, vampires, serial killers. My mom even found a childrens book at the library about Lizzie Borden that I promptly read cover to cover. What can I say, I had an interest in the more macabre aspects of life from an early age.

As we all notice about ourselves as we age, not much changes in the transition from childhood to post-childhood (otherwise known as "adulthood"). I have less time to read about serial killers and Lizzie Borden these days, but it has not stopped me from planning for my death. The reason for this is that I know that even in death, my family just won't be able to get my wishes right. I know that no matter how many times I say it to their faces, they are just going to do whatever it is they want with my body and my belongings. This blog entry is a proactive attempt to have my wishes met. Here it is, for the world to see, my wishes for my post-life.

First off, I don't want any religious stuff happening. I am not, nor have I ever been religious. And let's not fool ourselves, Mother. You may circle "Catholic" on questionaires, but no one in our immediate family is "Catholic". You can't disagree with most aspects of a religion but still claim to be of that religion. Catholicism is my family's religious beard, if you will. With that said, I don't want ANY kind of religious ceremony or person leading my memorial. I do not believe in God the way you're supposed to believe in God. I am a secular humanist Buddhist. And to me, Buddhism is not a religion. It's a way of thinking and dealing with life. I don't worship anyone. Again, to get my point straight: NO RELIGION.

Okay, next, either you cremate me or you do the most eco-friendly thing with my body that is available. I refuse to take up space on this over-crowded earth once my life is over. Let other living things use the carbon in my body.

Also, don't you DARE send non eco friendly flowers. Don't send plants and flowers. What a waste. If you wanna show you care, donate money to the following organizations: Valentino Achak Deng Foundation, the Humane Society, Chimp Haven, World Wildlife Fund, NPR, etc. Don't waste your money on flowers. No one wants flowers when they're dead.

Finally, if you must have a memorial ceremony or something for me, please have a nice vegetarian buffet available (with lots of desserts). Also, people can come and go as they please. My guests are ONLY allowed to tell funny memories of me. Seriously, ONLY funny stories. We all know that I can't handle serious/sad situations-- I can't take anything seriously. Why should I be expected to do so in death?

So in the event of my untimely death, I expect someone to send this to my parents or whoever is handling my remains. I'm not asking for a lot-- in fact, I'm probably saving someone money and time. Just have fun when I die. And eat lots of food.